Observations & conclusions pt. 3

For some reason, I just keep forgetting that I have a blog. I have so many ideas I want to jot down but as the day goes by, they end up just fading away.

Just a heads up, I'm in Pune at the moment and today is my nephew's birthday. Alistair, Happy fuckin' birthday! It's so cold out here that my piss is freezing and my nuts are slowly turning into ice-cubes.

Anywho, observations and conclusions time. Here goes.

- People come and go, people betray you but dogs are the only creatures on earth that love you more than they love themselves.

- House lizards or geckos are the most mis-understood creatures. People who hate lizards are most likely to be shallow scumbags.

- Do you live to choose? Or do you choose to live?

- If someone asks you for water, never refuse them. That's the least you can do. 

- Sometimes I wish guns weren't invented. It took away the whole purpose of a bare knuckle fight where both would have an equal opportunity to beat or get beaten.

- Advice is one thing that everybody loves to give for free but nobody likes to receive it.

That's all for now. Feels good to be back :) 

The other side of the road

I wonder what’s on the other side of the road,

Is it green grass or fresher pastures?

Or a mirror reflection of the antithesis of life?

While I wait here looking down the road,

I see a shepherd, pleasantly tending his flock,

and think of those burned bridges as I run down the clock.

From the other side, I hear my name being called 

and those arms being waved,

that awakens me from my day dream.

But the only question still running through my mind is;

Why did the chicken cross the road?

This post has no title

What's airing on TV at the moment? KBC, which, in my opinion is shit. I'm in no mood watch a movie, no mood to communicate with a living being and don't even feel like hitting the sack. So here I am on my PC jotting down exactly what's going on in my head.

My mouth is shut, my mind speaks and my fingers are the typing. Isn't that multi-tasking in some form? I've just realized, this is real-time stuff. But again, it won't be real-time until someone is reading every word I type.    So then, this is semi-real time. Now, to nullify the noise on the telly, I plug in my earphones and play a song on windows media player. Fake tales of San Francisco by the Arctic Monkeys. No, they're not anywhere near my favourite band but yeah, it's better than Bachchan's voice on TV. It's a good, peppy song and now there is music fueling and feeding in some thoughts, some insights which will take time to formulate. You know, some thoughts are so quick, they occur to you within a fraction of a second and poof! that award winning, philosophical genius of a thought is GONE!!!

Aah, Lemmy's voice, man! Motorhead is so fucking brilliant. An absolute bliss to listen to, anytime. And my playlist is now kicking in a groove. Oh oh, wait a minute, a random thought has struck thee! All this while the song is playing!

RANDOM THOUGHT: If drunkenness is your reality, you've got to see the doctor.

I'm not gonna delve deeper into that but if that makes sense to anyone who reads this (which I'm sure no one will), you'll get the chance to make a full 30 minute presentation on this random thought. For now, I haven't stumbled upon an interesting insight to rant or comment or give my expert common-man opinions on. So it's still my mind's ramblings doing the talking and... FULL POWER! 'World Painted Blood' is hits the play button. What an insane performance in India, I had the privilege of watching perhaps the best LIVE metal act yet. Not discouraging Opeth's performance, but Slayer really stepped up a notch on that one which made 2 really kick-ass shows I attended this year. Still regret missing out on Megadeth and the soon-to-be performing Testament thanks to the Bhenchod wedding season and the 'christmessy' feeling going on at the moment. Talking about year end celebrations, isn't it weird that we all party on the 31st, wait for the countdown and all that shit, celebrate the dawn of the new year but a week later, you're still living the same shitty life, doing the same fucking thing and all your so called 'new year resolutions' have been flushed down the toilet. I'm talking about at least 75% of the people and that includes thy humble fucking self. Yeah, I'd pat myself on the back for that. 

And on that note, I think I'm done with this post. Music has taken over. My subconscious mind has stopped processing fragments of information/stuff for me to translate onto this blogpost.

The 100 Crore Club

I was flipping through the TV channels the other day when I stumbled upon a talk show featuring a prominent bollywood director. On any other day, I wouldn't have paid an atom of attention to it, but for some reason, I felt I was in for something and continued to watch the show. 

The blah-blah Q&A discussion crawled and the show dragged on as usual. The host put forth a question to the guest about ‘the 100 crore club’ and films being a ‘box office success’ to which the director fantastically replied that ‘it is an honour being part of the 100 crore club because at the end of the day, people pay see entertaining films.’ He also mentioned phrases such as ‘aam janta’, ‘keeping your brains at home to watch a film’ and a few more phrases that I really don’t want to remember.

As the show ended, thoughts kept running through my head about this enlightening talk with this even more brilliant director. Let me dissect this above paragraph phrase by phrase. 

The 100 Crore Club – With producers, multiplexes, actors and the others raking in big bucks, you’ve got to wonder whether a film really deserves to cross the 100 crore mark (Yes, we know people fall over each other to buy tickets in black for Housefull, De Dhana Dhan and many others) but get the point. Let me put it this way; it’s like looking at a brand new Rolls Royce sedan from the outside only to find that the interiors are of a black & yellow cab and the engine, a Maruti 800.

Aam janta – The best way to describe the ‘Aam janta’ is with a George Carlin quote that goes, “Think about this; think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that.” I couldn’t agree more.

If people paid Rs.700 for a ticket in black to watch Ek Tha Tiger, I’m out of words to complete this sentence. But yeah, again, I hope you get the point.
 

Having said this, I understand that people want to ‘unwind’ and ‘watch a good film’ on a weekend.  But as a director, knowing the that audience or the ‘aam janta’ rely on them to provide wholesome entertainment, don’t they feel a slight sense of responsibility to make a half decent film? Cars exploding to a gun shot, people bitten by an alligator or a snake and cracking a half-assed joke about it, throwing a bomb around in a game of passing the parcel and countless other scenes that engulf these ‘100 crore films’ today are not only senseless and daft, but they’re an embarrassment at the world stage (not to forget some of these films have been screened at international film festivals). 

Keeping your brains at home to watch a film – Seriously, whoever came up with this term can take a good hard look in the mirror, strip down bare naked and fuck themselves. Not only is this term invalid, but also an absolutely horrible claim to make in order to cover up for the maggot-infested film that they’ve directed. The funniest comedy films REQUIRE you to use your brains for witty dialogues! A film isn't remotely good if a person leaves the theater not having a thought about it or just giving a flying fuck. Wouldn’t you need your brains to discuss, share your opinion or even criticize it for that matter? 

To conclude, if Akshay Kumar having a duel with a monkey and the priceless expression on Deepika Padukone’s face is termed hilarious, then sadly, entertainment has taken a whole different meaning… for the worse. 
 

Observations & conclusions pt.2

Fond memories are always remembered. The bad ones are never forgotten.

If you can't beat them, join them and then beat them. Victory assured.

A broken heart will drive you to insanity. An empty stomach will force you to kill.

Liking your own status message or a picture on facebook is like licking your own balls.

Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, write. And those who can't write are illiterate.

If Jesus were alive today, he would've converted water into whiskey.

Sadly, the keyboard is today's pen and paper.

Observations & conclusions

After five months in exile, I have returned to enlighten the world about things that don't really matter.

In this recurring section titled 'Observations & conclusions', I shall state my observations and try my very best (or not) to provide an apt conclusion to it.

I have observed that SantaClaus encourages prostitution during Christmas. Why else would he ride a sleigh and yell 'Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! to all?

I have observed that basset hounds are stoner dogs. Really.

Spare the rod and flare the joint. It works.

If life was a race, all would have wanted to die first.

Hear, when a person talks. Listen, when a person speaks.

Soldiers fight a losing battle. In war, nobody wins.

The most powerful force in the world is not love, it's gravity.



Until next time.

Oblivion

Set foot on an empty road,

And all you’ll see is

a shadow of yourself

And a mirage of people

Showing you the light.

Follow the footsteps

Of a hidden trail

that leads you to...

Look behind to feel the presence,

of no one around.

Look above

And embrace the starless, night sky.

Let the moonlight, freeze you,

As you melt away, to the rays of the sun.

Hear the voices from deep within,

that speaks of nothing

but white noise.

Take in the aroma, of absolute silence,

Only to lose all your senses.

Speak, and you shan't be heard.

Pray, and you've lost all hope.

You count every second,

as the sound of your heartbeat

begins to fade away.

Ask, and you shall receive

Nothing.

Seek, and you shall find.

None.

Die, and you shall live forever...
and never more.

How I love thee!

Almost 2 years since I wrote it. Football fans, enjoy!

Am I in (Vagner) Love?
Or do I enjoy your (Vincent) Kompany?
I am very (Roy) Keane on knowing,
The answer you may have (Shay) Given.

I would take you out to the Park (Ji-Sung),
And sing for you a (Alexandre) Song .
We'd then cross over the (Wayne) Bridge,
And lay on the (Robert) Green grass.

You wouldn't want to get (Lionel) Messi with me,
Or else, I would behave like a (Robbie) Savage.
Run you over with my (Stephen) Carr,
And bring down my (Nicky) Hunt.

I would then go to (Stephen) Ireland,
And (Petr) Cech you off my list.
I ain't gonna frown cause I'm (Wes) Brown,
Because, this is my Thierry (Henry) of Love.

7/12/09

From a fan

I applaud FC Barcelona on their commanding victory over Man Utd at Wembley. Many in the world claim that this Barcelona team is perhaps the best in the world, even better than Johan Cryuff's dream team. They're currently unstoppable & the fact that they've won 3 European cups in 6 years speaks for itself. Their passing, movement & their unique individual skill paralyze opponents on the field. They love to hold the ball and pass their opponents around the park. They do this so well that their opponents give up without even putting up a fight. They freeze opponents and believe me when I say any team and I mean it ANY damn team in the world would fall prey to their tactics. Maybe Inter Milan got it tactically right last year by beating them in the semi finals but 99% of the time, expect Barcelona to thrash teams left, right & centre.

Having said that, don't get me started on flipside of this team. Their players only know too well how to gang up against referees even for the smallest of fouls when things don't go their way. The 'Busquets school for sports acting' against Inter Milan speaks for itself. I could write a litany about this but I won't get into it.  But let me say, it saddens me to no end to see the club I support lose for the 2nd time against the same team. It saddens me that to see that just as they were setting their feet in Europe, a team with a more tactical display of football beat them time and time again. It's even worse to know that currently, Man Utd are better than the rest, but lag far behind Barcelona.

I've watched Man Utd literally tear teams to shreds, rip teams apart with their quick counterattacking movement and teams shitting in their pants on the football field. I've watched classic United comebacks from 1, 2, 3 & sometimes even 4 goal deficits. I've watched them lifting up trophies year after year & the hunger that Sir Alex has instilled in his players. I've watched players shuffle, evolve & grow in this club & yet play the same brand of attractive football. If there is any team in the world who could have beaten Barcelona, it had to be United.

Unfortunately, we've to settle for second place. If we do reach the final next year and face Barca, unfortunately, we'll be termed as underdogs. And unfortunately, if and when players decide to leave their respective clubs, they no longer dream of playing for United as Barcelona are the talk of the town right now.

Barcelona are the best team in the world. Some claim that they're the greatest of all time. Chelsea, Man City & Real Madrid may have pots of money to shell out. But as a fan, I've grown watching United and every time they've been beaten, they bounce back. There are very few teams that can play such attractive football that you can watch them over and over again and United is one of them. There is only one team you can learn from to never give up (which is why they are known as the comeback kings). And there is only one brand of football that'll appeal to me. Manchester United may have been beaten twice but we'll get there.

Kudos to Barcelona and all hail them. But for me, there is only one United.

Glory Glory Man Utd.

Sunset

A million people await the spectacle
of the sun bidding adieu
and embrace darkness for the day.


Beauty for most
and business for the hosts,
commotion and calm go hand in hand.


The cool breeze brushes away the light,
to make way for the cold dark night.


As the sun sinks into the horizon,
they pray that their hopes & dreams
are fulfilled by this blazing ball of glory.


The sun sets
and the moon rises...
The next half of the day has begun.

Wary nab a little land

If you find this difficult to understand, imagine how hard it is for a dyslexic child to write a simple nursery rhyme. 

Holy Cow!

Written a long long time ago.


          I must admit, it’s been a while since I last wrote to someone. Two years? Four years? I can’t recollect. But this time, I’m not going to write to you, I’m going to write about you.

        In this land, they call you a ‘Goddess’, a ‘Mother’, but Holy Cow! You look so under-nourished! This is the first time someone may be talking about an under-fed goddess. Out there in the villages, you are expected to carry the world’s burden on your skinny shoulders! But you don’t seem to complain about how much they whip you to get their work done. Even though you are an under-fed goddess, I have to admit, you’re doing an exceptional job of providing nutritious meals not only to them, but packed and sealed to us as well.

  I have to put forth a point though: A Goddess so skinny and under-fed is worshipped while your well fed and healthy sister is taken to the slaughter house? What a pity! Although, a meal made of your sister is too tempting to resist. And the best part about her is, she comes cheap! You know, in the far west, the foreigners first feast with you and later feast on you. Thank God! (Or thank you since you’re a Goddess yourself) we have some level of respect as compared to those in the west.

       As for what you’ve got to offer, I thank you for every little drop of calcium that you provide us with and the meat that you provide them with. But before I forget, you’re a ‘Goddess’. So even your waste matter has been made the best use of! Your Poo-poo can make do-do a lot of good uses in the interiors of this land. Walls for their houses, gas for their cooking, Goddess, you truly are the most useful and the most soft spoken goddess I might have ever come across!

As you stand in a corner, tied to a pole and busy chewing your cud, I am amazed that you can sustain yourself by chewing that grass you’ve consumed for nearly eight hours! We humans who smoke it on the other hand, can’t sustain ourselves for 8 minutes!

Another reason why you’re a true goddess is that you’ve provided us with the best of food. Even more, from the fields you’ve worked in. But we humans won’t spare a goddess as well. First they pray to you while the others prey on you. And that’s why we take everything that you could possibly give us. Even if it is your sh**, we’ll make the most of it.

You must be wondering, who am I to write about you? Well, I’m just an ordinary guy trying to make sense of what you mean to a person in his daily life. (funny that guy in the first language of this land is you and not me. But since I’m speaking in the second language, I can claim this one!) For a cow-herd, you would mean the world to him. He would take good care of you, make the most out of you so that he and his family could lead a good life. For a coward, you would mean heaven to him. He would sacrifice you for his sins so that he and his family could lead a good afterlife. Ironic, isn’t it? Two sides of the same coin. You remind me of another god who would do good and yet die for the sinners.

But let me not get into that, as I believe that every God is equal. But you’re a living example of it. And on behalf of your millions of ‘believers and non-believers’, I place this letter at your feet, sincerely thanking you for everything you have given us in this world.

Merseyside blues

    As a hardcore Man Utd fan, I do not like Liverpool FC but I certainly respect them. Here's a small token of appreciation to the Reds from Merseyside on their new signing(s).

I have to say, Liverpool FC have formed a formidable attack up front in Carroll & Suarez. One fights & the other one bites!

Suarez doesn't watch opponent match videos to understand their tactics. Instead, he watches a lot of twilight & werewolf movies and then emulates his idols on the pitch. Ask Otman Bakkal. Once bitten, twice attacked!

Liverpool believe in their motto "You'll never walk alone". After the January transfer window,  the tables have turned. It now actually states "You dare not walk alone" thanks to their attackers Carroll & Suarez. I must say, a strong message to their opponents!

Suarez has great all-round ability. He has quick & skillful feet, he's good in the air, impulsive with his hands & sharp with his teeth!

Some footballers talk, some shine on the pitch. But the greatest are those that Kung-Fu kick & bite. You've gotta give credit to Cantona & Suarez for that! (Although Cantona shone on the pitch) but whatever!